Singing cheerful songs to a person with a heavy heart
is like taking someone’s coat in cold weather or pouring vinegar in a wound (Proverbs 25:20)

Sometimes, our counsel can make things worse.

We feel like we’re being helpful, but in reality, we make life more painful and difficult to bear.

So next time someone you know is dealing with a lot of life, and isn’t sure how to handle it, don’t try singing a happy song.  Don’t sugar coat things and tell them that it’s not that bad.  Because maybe it is that bad.

Instead, try weeping with those who weep. (Romans 12:15)

Or just being quiet. (Job 2:13)

Or pointing them to the unchanging hope of life with Christ.  Not to the quickly fading hope of a good and easy life on earth. (2 Corinthians 1:5)

Why can a person read 2,444 pages of the Twilight Saga but barely find 10 minutes to read their Bible?

I ask difficult questions.  Not difficult in that you couldn’t follow along because they’re intellectually difficult, but difficult in the sense that they’re not surface-level, “easy” questions.

I was talking with a person recently, asking them about how they’re doing spending time reading their Bible (because I’m convinced that if a person’s not reading their Bible consistently, they’re not growing consistently).

Them: I’m just not a reader.

Me: I don’t buy that.

Them: I just don’t like to read.

Me: How many pages are in Twilight?

Them: I don’t know…probably over 1,000.

Me: How long did it take you to read that?

Them: Less than a week.

Me: …

You make time for what matters most to you.  Not sure where to start with the Bible?  Here’s a reading plan for you.

When life falls apart, we tend to lose hope.  Whether that’s getting a flat tire (I just had one!), getting a headache, hearing tragic news, or losing your job, our response is often to recoil and lose hope.

When life falls apart, do you run to God or from Him?  Those are the only two options.  The biblical ideal is this: “we rejoice in our sufferings.” (Romans 5:3)  What?!?  Rejoice in our sufferings?  Isn’t that counter-intuitive?  How could somebody ever be joyful in the midst of pain?  Emotions aren’t something you can control, right?  They’re just a reaction, aren’t they?

Being joyful in the face of difficulties is a work that God must do in you.  It’s a process, and doesn’t happen overnight.

“Suffering produces endurance.” (Romans 5:3)  “Produce” implies that there is time between suffering and endurance.  No runner will tell you that they built up endurance in one week, or even in one year.  It takes a lot of time.  The same holds true for:

“Endurance produces character.” (Romans 5:4)  Former Princeton basketball coach, Pete Carril said, “Adversity doesn’t build character, it reveals it.”  Hardships have a way of revealing the worst in us, but endurance in the face of them produces character.  This passage in Romans finishes with:

“Character produces hope.” (Romans 5:4)  What is that hope in?  That our sufferings are not in vain, but that they bring glory to God (Romans 5:2).  We rejoice because we are being made into the image of Christ, the One who died for us.  We don’t rejoice because we enjoy suffering.  We don’t hope because we think that life on earth will some day be rosy and easy.  We have hope because Christ died the death we deserve, and is shaping us into his image so that, when this life is over, we will be ready for an eternity with God.

In your suffering may you “not lose heart.  Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.  For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison,  as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.” (2 Corinthians 4:16-18)

The next time that life falls apart, turn to God, and let Him do a work in you.  May your suffering ultimately produce hope in Christ.

This year, I’ve taken up gardening.  I wrote a little bit about that here.  Before you write me off as a girly man, hear me out.

I built four raised plant beds to plant some mini-gardens in my back yard.  I don’t have room for a full-on garden, and raised beds tend to look tidier.  In addition, they’re supposed to cut down on weeds.  Based on the word supposed, you can guess that that’s not exactly the case.  At least it’s not so when you use dirt that’s full of weed seeds.  You see, I got the dirt from my grandfather’s farm, and though the dirt is unbelievably rich, it had some weed seeds in it.

My wife and I planted lots of vegetables: carrots, bibb lettuce, red cabbage, tomatoes, cucumbers, squash, and other stuff I can’t remember.  We also have herbs and flowers in the garden.  As they began to germinate and eventually sprout up out of the ground, we got really excited.  Except that we weren’t sure whether these new green sprigs were veggies or weeds.

“Jesus told them another parable: “The kingdom of heaven is like a man who sowed good seed in his field.  But while everyone was sleeping, his enemy came and sowed weeds among the wheat, and went away.  When the wheat sprouted and formed heads, then the weeds also appeared.” (Matthew 13:24-26)

There will always be “weeds among the wheat” in the church.  You can be upset about that if you’d like, or do something about it.  Does the fact that there are “weeds” (and by “weeds,” I mean that there are those there who don’t really belong to the kingdom of God, i.e., they’re not saved) bother you?  I hope it does, because it should!  Weeds are not meant to be there!  Someone else, not the true Gardener, has placed them in the garden.  What should we, the Church, do about these unwelcomed, ugly, ultimately life-sucking weeds?  Cut them off?  Cast them out?  Try to build our garden so that no weeds enter (which is not possible, by the way)?  No.  That is unloving and un-Christlike.  The answer to the question, “what do we do with the weeds?” is that we love them.  We evangelize them.  We live and preach the Gospel in hopes that God transforms them from a weed into a beautiful plant that bears fruit for the Kingdom.  Instead of sucking the life out of the Church, we plead with them to give the desire of their heart to Christ and begin pouring life back into the Church!

Don’t forget…you were a weed once, too.

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.” (Matthew 5:43-45)

Check out these lyrics from “Let the Music Get Down in Your Soul” by Mark Broussard:

When your life gets too complicated
Gotta let the music
Get Down in your soul
Forget all your frustrations
And let the music music
Get down in your soul
Get on up, My brother,
And let the music, get down in your soul
Get on up, up yeah my sister
And let the music get down in your soul

Everyday ain’t gonna be sunny, No
Gotta let the music
Get down in your soul
Life ain’t filled with milk and honey, No
Gotta let the music music
Get down in your soul

Things ain’t as bad as they may seem
But you can’t find reality living in a dream
The strength you need, you had it all the time
You’ll find the answers in the back of your mind

Forget all you frustrations
come on
And let the music music
Get down in your soul

______________________________________________________

Is that the answer to life’s troubles?  Simply “let the music get down in your soul”?  Does that really help in the long run?  Maybe escaping into a song, simply forgetting your frustrations, realizing that you have always had the strength you need is what some people use, but Scripture offers a different hope.

Read these lyrics by a guy named David from Psalm 32:

Blessed is he
whose transgressions are forgiven,
whose sins are covered.

Blessed is the man
whose sin the LORD does not count against him
and in whose spirit is no deceit.

When I kept silent,
my bones wasted away
through my groaning all day long.

For day and night
your hand was heavy upon me;
my strength was sapped
as in the heat of summer.
Selah

Then I acknowledged my sin to you
and did not cover up my iniquity.
I said, “I will confess
my transgressions to the LORD “—
and you forgave
the guilt of my sin.
Selah

Therefore let everyone who is godly pray to you
while you may be found;
surely when the mighty waters rise,
they will not reach him.

You are my hiding place;
you will protect me from trouble
and surround me with songs of deliverance.
Selah

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
I will counsel you and watch over you.

Do not be like the horse or the mule,
which have no understanding
but must be controlled by bit and bridle
or they will not come to you.

Many are the woes of the wicked,
but the LORD’s unfailing love
surrounds the man who trusts in him.

Rejoice in the LORD and be glad, you righteous;
sing, all you who are upright in heart!

_____________________________________________________

There seems to be a connection here between forgiveness and overcoming depression.  When David refused to confess his sin to God, he felt as though his bones were wasting away and his strength was dried up.  Sounds like he was feeling pretty rotten…we might even call that a sort of depression.  He then acknowledged his sin and didn’t hide it from the Lord, and found forgiveness.  What a gift!  What a weight of guilt is lifted off when we are forgiven!  “Blessed is the man against whom the Lord counts no iniquity!”

I’m not meaning to minimize the pain of depression, or discount it as a serious problem, or even say that all depression is directly linked with sin.  I’m just offering this as one answer to “feeling down.”  If you find that life is too complicated, instead of working to “get the music down in your soul,” how about confessing your sin to God and asking Him to cleanse you and restore your joy?  Maybe the dark clouds of depression will lift.  However, even if they do not, you can rest assured that “steadfast love surrounds the one who trusts in the Lord.”  He will sustain you and give you reason to “shout for joy!”

What do you need to confess to the Lord today?

I’ve been in my current ministry position now for a little over a year. Our church is structured around a three-fold strategy of creating followers of Christ: Gather, Commit, and Serve:

As we GATHER to celebrate Jesus and encounter biblical principles, COMMIT to one another in community groups, and SERVE by using the gifts God has given us to invest in the lives of others, we will grow in our passion for God, our compassion for God’s people, and our effectiveness in God’s work of developing growing followers.

That’s our system, and my role in the system is to facilitate, oversee, and help to develop community groups. I completely believe in our system, the simplicity of it (and the simplicity of what it means to be a be a follower of Christ), and am committed to it wholeheartedly. However, I’m always evaluating it, and specifically, the role of community groups in creating authentic community that fosters growth in godliness.

About two months ago, I was counseling a young man who had lots of questions about his next step in life. Basically, his question was, “What do I do next?” He needed help in thinking through future career options, future spouse options, financial next-steps, etc. He thought that his problem was that he struggled with change, and was afraid to take big steps. Over the course of only a few weeks, we determined that his problem was much greater. The next big step that he needed to take, the one that would determine the course of his life forever, was to become a follower of Christ. I told him that this decision would not necessarily make his life ‘easier.’ It would also not lay out in detail his exact next step. However, he would be resting his future in the hands of the One who created the universe (Genesis 1), who holds all things together (Colossians 1:17), and whose hand cannot be stayed (Daniel 4:35). So, this young man decided to place his faith in Christ!

That’s great news, right? I should be rejoicing, right?

I am, but I’m also saddened.

This man has been in one of our community groups for over a year. He has sat in a group every week, and still was troubled by the question, “What is the gospel?” This man is very intelligent, and can easily comprehend difficult, abstract concepts, but still had the question, “Why did Jesus have to die?” and “What does it mean to repent?” He didn’t know why we needed a sacrifice for our sins, and that Christ had offered himself as our perfect lamb.

If he was just a semi-regular Sunday morning attender, I could feel okay about this. But he’s there every single week, and is one of the most faithful members of his small group.

This bothers me. How could someone be plugged into what I thought was a disciple-producing ministry here at GCC and still have these questions? Let me reiterate that it was not for a lack of intellectual comprehension that this man did not know. He had simply not been asked the fundamental questions of the gospel and had the chance to interact with the Truth.

Is this an isolated issue, or pervasive? Is it a problem with the curriculum that we’re using? Is it a problem with the way that I communicate with my leaders? Is it our system? Is it a leadership training issue? Is it something that needs to be communicated more from the stage?

I realize that this post leaves me quite vulnerable as the leader of the small groups here at our church. But I want to be honest and say that this bothers me. I want to make sure that each of our group leaders is having gospel-centered discussions, both within the weekly group meeting and outside of it. So right now, I’m working through some ideas to ensure, as much as is humanly possible, that difficult questions are being asked, fundamental gospel concepts are being discussed and applied to life, and that those who attend our community groups have the chance to chew on and digest the great, life-changing truths of the gospel.

Is the goal of your ‘system’ discipleship? If not, what is the goal of your ‘system’? Is that goal being met? If it’s not being met, how willing are you to scrap the ‘system’ in favor of the goal?

Next post, I’ll fill you in on what I think the problem is. I actually think I may have nailed the issue. We’ll see.

I want to thank you for all of the prayers you prayed for my son, who had surgery a couple of weeks ago.  It went very well, and he’s recovering nicely.  In fact, he does not even react as if the surgery site is painful now.  We’re so thankful for the outpouring of love and support from you all.

Sending my son in for surgery was one of the toughest things I’ve had to do.  The worst part was when they wheeled him out to the operating room, and we saw him round the corner away from us.  Let me tell you, that was a tough moment.  Part of the reason it was so tough was because it’s my son, and I love him, and I hate to see him hurting.  But the other, and more significant reason that it was so difficult, I believe, was that it was out of my control.  Surgery is beyond my level of expertise, and I had nothing to do with the procedure in the surgery room.  It was completely beyond me.  When things are beyond us, out of our control, we can move in one of two directions: worry or trust.

Worry says that I don’t really trust that God is in control.  Because God is not fully in control, and He’s not going to give this the time, effort, love, and thought that the gravity of this situation deserves, I in my sufficient wisdom will fret, sweat, and unhealthily concern myself with that which I cannot control.  God cannot be in control, because if He were, He would have led me to this situation.  Worry, at its heart, reflects a lack of trust.

Trust, on the other hand, says that though this is a difficult situation, and I don’t know what the outcome will be, God is in control.  As He has been faithful in the past, so will He be faithful now.  God is good, and His love endures forever (1 Chronicles 16:34).  The one who trusts sleeps peacefully in the knowledge that God is the one who provides true safety (Psalm 4:8).  Trust, at its heart, reflects a true belief.

I’d like to say that I never once worried throughout this whole process, but I can’t honestly say that.  However, I can say that difficult situations tend to bring heart issues out.  When difficult times come, use that as a time to evaluate your heart.  Will you worry?  Or will you flee to God?

This is the last post that I’ll give based directly off of the emails that I have talked about in the last 3 posts.  You can read about this conversation here, here, and here.  It’s been helpful for me to think through these psychology issues and offer what I believe to be a God-honoring response to these, though I know they can be very personal.  I know that some of this hits very close to home for many of you, and I invite you to comment below.

Here’s the email I sent to the licensed psychologist that I have been having the ongoing conversation with:
Good thoughts.  Thanks for even being a bit self-disclosing.

I do think that medication is helpful and maybe even warranted.  Take, for example, the schizophrenic (schizoid/typal personality disorder, schizophrenia, etc.).  Many, if not all, have to be on varying dosages/levels of medication.  Life is likely intolerable for them and those around them if they are not treated physically.  But if we as humans are comprised of both body and soul, the meds only treat the body side.  We, as soul-care providers (I tried to use a generic enough term to lump  us both into), have a responsibility to look at both aspects.  This schizophrenic, though on medications, still has responsibilities in society, even if “society” for him is in the mental hospital.  From a biblical standpoint, I think that he still has a responsibility before God as well.  God will hold him accountable for his actions done on earth.  God holds all people accountable for their actions, even when the issue is completely biological.  Take, for example, Type I diabetes, which is clearly a physiological issue.  Though there was not a specific sin that lead to this, we still have a responsibility to God for how we respond to it.  Holiness may more difficult in certain psychological problems, but holiness is still the requirement for all men (Leviticus 19:2).  God is full of grace and mercy, but His requirements are the same for everybody.  Obedience will likely be more difficult for some, but not impossible.  Think about someone who is mentally handicapped, but functions at a high level.  They are held responsible for some tasks, right?  Obeying their parents may be tough, but it’s possible.

Medication doesn’t negate anybody’s responsibility before God.  “Sorry I was short with you today…I’ve just got a headache.”  Our impatience and anger are not justified because there are physical issues present.  We need to realize where our weaknesses are and address them biblically.  There are over 40 places in Scripture where we are commanded to do things to “one-another”: love one another, serve one another, submit to, encourage, admonish, be kind to, be devoted to, think of them better than yourself, prefer, build up, accept, care for, envy not, be truthful to, etc.  God is pleased when we take even small steps in the right direction.

Hardships in life, no matter what the cause or what the suggested treatment, are a chance for our true hearts to be revealed.  We are all sinners living in a fallen world.  And what do sinners do?  Sin against one another…lots.  God will not judge us based on how people have sinned against us, but based on our response to being sinned against.  For those who have been scarred more deeply by the effects of sin, obedience may be so difficult that we, humans, cannot see how it would even be possible.  Good thing others’ obedience is not placed on our shoulders!  We serve a big God, who is able to change the vilest hearts and the most corrupt souls.  Lest we think ourselves prideful, I put us both in that category as well!  We serve a God who can cure cancer, heal headaches, mend broken relationships, heal crazy people (see Mark 5:1-20), and, biggest of all, save sinners.  “Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever.” (Ephesians 3:20-21)

Here is the third post from a series of conversations that I had with a psychologist.  You can read the other conversations here, where it all started, then here, the response that he had to my post, then my response to him here.  Just so you know, we have a good friendship.  Neither of us is mad at the other in the least.  In fact, we both enjoy the discussion.  It keeps us thinking about why we do what we do.

So, what kind of counsel are you giving today?  We’re all giving some sort of counsel to almost everybody we come in contact with, even if it’s no counsel at all.  Is your counsel (or lack thereof) honoring God?

“I myself am convinced, my brothers, that you yourselves are full of goodness, complete in knowledge and competent to instruct one another…the goal of our instruction is love from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith.” (Romans 15:14, 1 Timothy 1:5)

Here’s his response.  Mine will follow, tomorrow.

“I do not think our conversation is confrontational and enjoy the topic. I think it is a rare opportunity when we as Christians get to have real discussions about important issues. I value your thoughts.

I agree with everything you said but would add one thing. Diagnosis is not actually the problem though it is not always clear cut, you get a fair bit of agreement between professionals. The diagnostic criteria are pretty well accepted. I think what you are getting at is that we don’t know the cause. Was it biological? (testable through blood work or something) Faith based? Maybe poor parenting?  Living a life apart from God? I think we can say they are depressed but how then do we treat it? I think your example is right on. We use the medicine God gave us to heal the broken leg (i.e. we use what we know about treating depression e.g. improve sleep, decrease negative thoughts, engage in positive behaviors and thoughts, etc) and we look at the root cause. How is the person’s Faith? What is their lifestyle like? Do they attend Church, voluteer, pray, etc? We also of course look at familial patterns and history. An example that may illustrate both ways of approaching a situation (caution: self disclosure coming up) My mother, raised in faith, raised our family in faith, prays all the time, attends Church, yadda yadda yadda, but is completely co-dependent with my Alcoholic brother. Does she enable him out of a lack of faith in God’s power or could we approach her in terms of behavior modification (just stop doing those things that support his drinking). I think both are true and necessary ways of intervening.

Final note,  have your read “The road less traveled” by M. Scott Peck. I think it is very valuable for its attempt at merging Faith and Psychiatry. He talks about anxiety developing when people don’t do something out of fear. It is usually something they know they should or shouldn’t do but they continue to act out of fear. This idea of anxiety developing when we don’t do what we know we should to me is true of many people I see. They act in selfish ways and they are anxious because of the situation that develops. E.g. they know their boss wants something done but they disagree so they don’t do it and live in fear of being found out.

Anyways… Good discussion. I look forward to more.”

This is the second part of a conversation that I had with a licensed psychologist.  I’ll keep his name anonymous, but suffice it to say that we share basic biblical/theological foundations, but approach counseling with a different methodology.  We are able to maintain a solid friendship, though we disagree on some points, as you’ll see below.  If you haven’t been following along, I wrote this blog post about psychology and faith (and how they aren’t going together all too well), he responded here, and the following is what I said as a response.  Feel free to agree or disagree with me.  Here I go:

“Thanks for the response ______(I’ll keep him anonymous)!  I appreciate the wisdom that you bring and the expertise in psychology that you have.  You see it through a biblical worldview as well, and I appreciate that.

I agree with the follow-up blog that you said.  I agree that not all mental health crises are issues of ‘faith’, but it’s so hard to detect and diagnose those issues (depression, bi-polar, PTSD, etc.) empirically, right?  To diagnose somebody as a diabetic, you can do blood work, but not so for depression.  I don’t mean to say that we then abandon all search for an empirical test.  But I will throw out this as an idea, that it would only be, at best, a diagnosis and not a prescription.  For many of those same issues, could it not be a ‘which came first, the chicken or the egg?’  If we do find a blood test that can prove definitively that a person has anxiety disorder, who is to say that it was brought on by purely physical (bodily) problems, as in the case of diabetes.  To further my example, lets say that a person comes into the ER with a broken leg.  We can perform X-rays to confirm, CAT scans to check head injuries, etc., and prescribe medications to dull the pain.  In fact, we can even set the leg and cast it so that it will heal.  Having a broken leg is a problem, for sure.  But maybe the real problem is that this guy can’t see well at all.  He walks out in the middle of the road when traffic is heavy because he can’t see the cars coming (I know, it’s a stretch, just hang with me…I probably could’ve come up with a more realistic example, and I will someday).  That’s what broke his leg the first time, and it will break his leg the next time he walks out of his house.  Medication can’t do anything about this…he needs glasses.  His leg needs to be fixed, but his real problem is that he can’t see.  Could it be like this for mental illnesses?  I make a blanket statement here, but I don’t deny purely bodily-induced illnesses, as in post-pardum depression, thyroid-induced depression, and others that I can’t think of off the cuff.  Medicine may take the edge off of mental illnesses, but the real issue that the illnesses came up is not addressed by medications.

I think that often (not always, though) mental illnesses are a result of (sometimes years, and even decades) responding sinfully to life.  Instead of appropriately grieving, a person spirals into depression.  Instead of handling fear in a God-honoring way, a person develops a myriad of phobias.  Instead of building God-honoring relationships, a person develops habits of retracting from people and society, and it becomes so bad that they can’t function, and are labeled with social anxiety disorder.  When the person presents to their psychologist/counselor, it’s way, way out of control.  Telling them to turn to God doesn’t “fix” their problem, because they’re trying to overcome so many years of developing sinful ways of responding to life (but ultimately the problem rests in their deficient relationship with God).  This is why I hate ‘Biblical’ counseling that consists of quoting a verse at somebody and telling them to ‘obey the Word of the Lord.’  It’s not quite that easy.  They have to be shown, over time, how to life life in a God-honoring way.  Medications may help this person take the edge off of their ______, but doesn’t necessarily help them to live a godly life.”

I welcome comments.