Ever heard a pastor say something that made you cringe?

We pastors say a lot. From the stage, to the phone, in an email, and in passing conversations, we are communicating with people most of our days. And while much of what we share is (hopefully) helpful, there are certain things that should never be said.

image credit: Creative Commons user The Justified Sinner

5 Things a Pastor should Never Say

1. “If it weren’t for the people, I’d love being a pastor.”

You’ve probably heard this one. In fact, you may have said it yourself. Often said in a moment of frustration or as a passing joke, this is a statement that can be incredibly hurtful to the people that need help the most. It inadvertently creates a wall between the pastor and those who are in need of grace and hope. And it makes people feel like there are problems too big to bring to their pastor.

 Truth: Being a pastor is about the people. It’s about serving and giving and loving and pouring yourself out for others.

2. “This week was so busy, I didn’t even get a chance to work on my sermon.”

This is sad, really. There are a handful of things that only the pastor can do. (qualifier: having a teaching team is an option that many churches utilize, but when it’s your week to preach, this is no excuse). Preaching is one of them. It’s not that others aren’t qualified…it’s that your role that Sunday is to preach.

Truth: Having the stage (or the pulpit, depending on your context) on a Sunday morning is a great privilege. Neglecting that gift is irresponsible.

3. “I don’t have time for a small group.”

Thankfully, our pastors at Grace have never said this. But many pastors have. Their weeks are so busy with other activities (even good things) that they don’t feel like they have time in their lives for a small group. But if relationships are vital to growth in discipleship, you’d be foolish to neglect this. And it’s hard for you to tell them that small group life is worth bending their life around if you aren’t living that.

Truth: you don’t have time to not be involved in a small group. 

4. “And my ninth point, again starting with the letter ‘W’…” Seriously, just write a book.

Truth: people will not remember all 9 points. Pick the most compelling, helpful point, and preach a sermon with that as your bottom line.

5. “Someone like you is not welcome here…”

I got a call this recently from someone, who said, “I have a friend, her name is ____. And she’s done ____. She talked with another church, and they have asked her not to come because of some stuff in her past. Is she welcome at Grace?” Honestly, I was taken aback. It literally took my breath away. I told her that there are few things in life that cause my blood to boil. This happens to be one of them.

Truth: God’s grace is huge. Minimizing it is foolish.

Question:

What have you heard a pastor say that caused you to cringe?

 * image credit: Creative Commons user The Justified Sinner

 

image credit: University Archives Digital Image Collection

Joseph Reed, Pennsylvania lawyer, officer and statesman during the Revolutionary War, wrote this in a report to his wife when morale was low for Americans, and danger was high:

The justice of our cause, the hope of our success, and every other circumstance that can enliven us, must be put into the scale against those of a contrary kind, which I allow to be serious…My honor, duty, and every other tie held sacred among men, call upon me to proceed with firmness and resolution…My country will, I trust, yet be free, whatever may be our fate who are cooped up, or are in danger of being so, on this tongue of land, where we ought never to have been. (p. 201, 1776, David McCullough)

Though morale was low and danger was high, Reed was firmly planted on what he knew needed to be done. And he didn’t just continue to provide leadership to save his own hide. He had the future in mind.

“My country will, I trust, yet be free, whatever may be our fate who are cooped up…”

More often than not, though, I’m afraid most people lead with their own goodwill in mind. They lead to make sure they keep their job, move up in the ranks, and maintain the status quo. When danger rises, instead of courageously standing up and fighting, they slink back into their den, all to ready to maintain comfort. Instead of creating ripples that will extend on, they let the waves pass them by.

Leading Forward

The best leaders lead with the next generation in mind. They know that the decisions they’re making today will have great impacts on the next generation, paying their leadership forward. They realize that in the process, they’ll at times have to take the fall for what they know to be right. They know they’re sometimes just setting the stage for someone else to come behind them.

What you do will have impacts on the future. Even if what you do is cowardly.

It’s time to be resolute. Stand for what you believe in. Courageously take steps and help others to do the same. And when danger and failure arises, give them a swift Austin Powers Judo chop.

I’m thankful for men like Joseph Reed. Men whose bravery still resonates today.

* image credit: University Archives Digital Image Collection

 

There are some blog post titles that people use just to draw you in.

“Sexy” titles, if you will.

Titles that build hype, often overselling and under delivering.

This happens to not be one of those titles.

image credit: Creative Commons user Robert Daniel Ullman

It was unintentional, really. I didn’t set out that warm Saturday afternoon telling myself, “I bet Laura’s grandma and I could scrap today. She’d probably love that.”

It just sort of happened.

Round 1

We were standing beside the door, she preparing to leave. In retrospect, I should’ve just given her a hug and opened the door. We launched into a conversation about a TV show that my wife and I watch. One that she, consequently, doesn’t. Her reasons for abstaining are moral convictions, which I can completely understand and respect. With respect to the show, she doesn’t appreciate how the children interact with their parents, how the wife interacts with her husband, and some of the lifestyle decisions that characters on the show have made. She laid out her whole case in about 5 minutes.

Round 2

When she finished, I felt like she has issued an invitation to me to lay out my thoughts. As I creeped closer, though, I realized she was siren-ing me to the edge of a cliff. Like a moth drawn to that strangely-buzzing blue light, I walked right into the trap. There was no winning this one. No way I could emerge a hero of informed reason and logic. Not a chance. I was peering off the edge of a cliff.

Round 3

As words came out of my mouth, I tried to catch them. The whole time I’m talking, I’m thinking, “What are you doing?!? Back away…back away!” I got that look from my wife. I don’t even have to describe it. Husbands, you know what I’m talking about.

But it was too late. Back out now, and I look like a heel. Keep going, and I look like a heel. Close my eyes and run…that was probably the best option, but Reeds aren’t cowards. We’re a bit foolhardy sometimes, but we’re not cowards.

The point I was trying to make was this:

I don’t get my theology from a TV show.

I can watch a TV show (note: the show in question is family-friendly), and completely separate it from informing my theological framework. In fact, when I watch a show, I view it through the theological lens I’ve constructed through hard work, sweat, and tears. I strive for a theology informed deeply by the Scriptures.

I can watch a show and say, “What they’re doing there…that’s not good. That’s not how I’m going to parent.” Not in a judgmental kind of way. But in a way where I’m exercising wisdom and discernment.

I’m not watching TV as my devotional time. Nor am I watching it in hopes that they’ll somehow slip in a good word about the local church. That’s not TV’s job. That’s my job!

In fact, the moment I allow TV to twist my theology is the moment I’ve headed down a slope more slippery than the one I was peering down with my grandma-in-law.

The eye of the tiger

She stood on the other side of this argument, urging extreme caution with what we fill our minds. She warned that subtle lies slip in back doors, and make their way into our lives. TKO. She just ‘eye-of-the-tigered’ me.

I don’t wholeheartedly disagree with her. I just happen to see the other side of the coin, enjoying 30 minutes of laughter, catching a slice of culture, and not succumbing to the subtle lies. I believe that this is a generational issue more than anything else. My generation can watch a show, laugh, enjoy the story, and separate that from how we live our lives. I believe that the generation that precedes me more closely intertwines real life with media content.

I’m not sure that one of us is right and the other wrong. In fact, in that moment, I waved my white flag of surrender. And made a future note to myself:

Don’t pick a fight with a grandma. Even if you win, you’ll lose.

Question:

Where do you stand? Is it acceptable to watch a show with questionable (though not offensive, cause-you-to-stumble) content? Or should we shield our eyes from anything that could depict something less than what we want for our lives and our families?

 * image credit: Creative Commons user Robert Daniel Ullman

 

image credit: CreationSwap user Agatha Villa

If you’ve ever done any amount of public speaking, you’ve had that moment when you step on stage and have a sinking feeling that says, “What in the world am I doing here?”

Ever had that?

Whether it’s the crowd that’s staring back at you, the venue itself, your lack of preparedness, or the content you’ve been asked to deliver, you realize in the heat of the moment that you’ve been asked to do something that’s out of your comfort zone and destined for a slow death.

I had one of these opportunities just the other day. I was asked to give a presentation on a recent mission trip I led to Costa Rica. The trip was phenomenal. But in the same vein as every other post-mission-trip-story I, and you, have ever heard in my life, the gravity and beauty of the trip doesn’t translate once you’re off the field. Translation isn’t often hampered by a language barrier, though. It’s hampered because the people in the room weren’t there on the trip, they feel a bit guilty because they haven’t gone on a mission trip, they want to go on a future one but know they won’t, and they’re ready to get back to life as normal. As much as you, the mission traveler, try to engage through stories and pictures, the experience gets lost in translation.

I led off with describing a funny situation. Well…I thought it was funny. No response. So I pressed on. Dropped a few funny lines in about 5 minutes in. Nothing. About 3/4 of the way through my presentation, a cell phone went off right beside my podium. Turns out it was the president’s who was  presiding over the meeting. I made a quick-witted comment about it, which caused even me to give myself a little chuckle. No chuckle from the crowd, though. Two older guys in the back were literally sleeping. Alexander DeLarge himself sat front and center, his droopy eyes forced open against their will. A few guys were checking their cell phones, presumably because the president’s ringing phone reminded them they have some business to take care of. Things went sideways quickly, so I looked for as quick and graceful of an exit as possible.

It was through this process that I learned a lot about public speaking. Failed experiences can teach you a lot.

6 Truths I Learned from a failed Presentation

You can completely bomb, and life will go on.

I walked out of that presentation relatively unscathed. My pride was a bit scarred, but all-in-all, I was fine. My “worst fears” as far as speaking goes were realized…and I lived.

Sometimes your jokes will fall flat.

Just keep going on to your next point. Failed jokes, poorly executed initiatives, great ideas that never get off the ground…these will be normal occurrences. Take it on the chin and move on.

There’s always next time.

It’s a good source of hope knowing that if I bomb again in the future, there’s always next time. There will be other opportunities.

There’s more to life than being perfect every time.

Much more. An always-perfectly executed sermon/speech/presentation is nice…but that’s not reality. And expecting that every time just sets you up for being disappointed.

It’s not all about the money.

Especially when you’re not getting paid…and it bombs. Don’t take an opportunity just because they’re offering you money. And don’t turn one down just because they aren’t. (I know that that’s a generalization. Sometimes opportunities need to be turned down for other reasons…or accepted for monetary reasons because you need to provide for your family).

Failures can affirm God’s call on your life.

God’s call is sure, but it’s not easy. He never promises that life is going to be easy…but He does promise to always be with you. (Hebrews 13:5) Failed experiences cause you to evaluate your calling in life. I walked out of this failed experience as sure as ever that God has called me to do this. Strange, I know. But I received comfort as I examined my calling once again, reminding myself of what God’s called me to do and who He’s called me to be.

Failing at a public presentation is not the worst thing that can happen to you. Don’t let your “worst fears” keep you from doing what God’s calling you to do.

Question:

What’s been your worst experience with public speaking?

* image credit: CreationSwap user Agatha Villa

 

image credit: CreationSwap user http://www.creationswap.com/amberspung

While I was in grad school, I worked in a coffee shop. I often enjoyed an expired pastry and a hot cup of coffee as my meal. Go ahead…judge me.

Working outside of the confines of seminary kept me grounded, though.The ivory towers from which I peered onto the ground below came crashing down in the middle of a real-life conversation with a broken co-worker. Hard-line black-and-white issues revealed themselves in deep shades of gray when shared in 5-minute breaks between customers on a busy Friday morning rush. The lessons I learned making lattes, serving customers, and building relationships with coworkers marked me then, and continues to do so today.

8 Leadership Lessons I Learned from Working in a Coffee Shop

1. Hard work never hurt anyone.

Going to class was stimulating for my mind. But being on my feet, doing physical work was good for my soul. Laugh all you want, but standing on your feet for 10 hours is exhausting, considering that includes hauling new products, gallons of milk, cleaning up spills, toting massive trash bags, leading coffee seminars, etc. Doing physical labor left me feeling like I’d actually accomplished something for the day. Listening to a lecture rarely did.

2. People want to be led…not “told” what to do.

I was a manager, and quickly learned this truth. It’s astonishing how many people like to micromanage…but how few people enjoy being micromanaged. Leading my coworkers to understand the “why” before the “what” propelled me relationally further than demanding obedience ever did. I started out demanding obedience, because those types of expectations were placed on me. When I translated those to other team members, I realized that demanding and micromanaging weren’t a viable long-term solution.

3. People want to feel like they’re on a team.

Whether that’s through inside jokes, shared experiences, or similar goals…nobody wants to be alone. Nobody. The quicker I incorporated “team members,” and not just followers, the quicker my leadership “worked.” The same is true whether you’re serving lattes or leading people into a growing relationship with Jesus.

4. People and textbooks are not the same thing.

Textbooks make sweeping black-and-white statements that translate well in the classroom. Working in a coffee shop, though, I realized that regurgitating those slickly-worded, catchy phrases did very little to build relationships. And without relationships, truth matters very little.

5. Consistency matters.

I learned that giving people a consistently high-quality product was of high concern, building trust across a brand. Consistently producing a high-quality product builds relational capital as well. People want to know what they’re about to step in to. Offering consistency sets clear expectations up front.

6. Customer service matters

It doesn’t matter how slick your Sunday morning worship services are. Nor does it matter how well-worded your mission and vision statements are crafted. If you neglect customer service, making people feel warm, welcomed, and invited…then you’ll forever have a wide-open back door. The moment you neglect “customer service” is the moment you realize that those you long to hear the Truth are the ones least likely to hear, or receive, it.

7. Everyone wants to feel like an insider

Whether it’s through new information, key relationships, or strategically partnering with others, make sure to keep people in the loop. Let them know what’s coming, that they can pitch ideas, that their voice matters, and that you care to keep them informed. If you want to recruit and maintain leaders on your team, you’ve got to do this.

8. Even the best ideas have a shelf life.

Don’t think that the way you’ve always done something is the way it should be done now. A good idea 50 years ago is likely not still a good idea. Be willing to reinvent, change directions, and kill programs for the sake of reaching more and more people.

 

This is a guest post from Seth Caddell. You can follow him on Twitter or Facebook. Catch his blog, too. If you’re interested in guest posting, click HERE.

image credit: Creation Swap user Justin Knight

I’m a pastor, so I regularly hear about how Bible studies often don’t dig deep enough. People will want a deeper study, or more powerful teaching, or more notes and less discussion. I have to admit often times I’m the same way. I would rather sit in a classroom than a room full of strangers for a discussion. But as I thought about it more, I realized there was a problem.

Content is easier than relationships.

It’s easier to sit in a room with a bunch of other leaders, without ever getting my hands dirty. I’d rather takes notes than hear about the messiness of your life, or share mine for that matter. Most of us would, whether we’re willing to admit it or not. Instead, we mask it in spirituality, saying things like

I need a deeper study.

or

This isn’t meaty enough for me.

Sitting down to watch a DVD lesson is easier than talking about issues we’re dealing with at work. Taking notes is simple; talking about marriage issues is not. Sitting and absorbing content is one thing; engaging it and living it out is totally different.

To genuinely be growing, to really be leading people, we have to be in the midst of them. We have to be crying with them, laughing with them, praying for them. It requires getting our hands dirty and doing life together.

Don’t allow “I want deeper content” be a mask that you put on to hide your unwillingness to engage in the messiness of people’s lives. Don’t let it be a mask that hides the messiness of your life, either.

Most of us don’t need deeper studies, we need to wade into the hurting lives of those around us and walk through it with them. And we need to work to be vulnerable ourselves.

Question:

Have you ever been a part of a “deep” study?

* Image credit: CreationSwap user Justin Knight

 

image credit: CreationSwap User Matt Gruber (edits mine)

There’s a buzz going around about ‘releasing people to _____.’ You can insert any of the following words in that blank:

• lead
• serve
• start projects
• launch ministries
• do their job

On the surface, this sounds noble. It sounds like you’re fighting the dreaded “micromanagement,” a 4-letter word in churches, businesses, and any organization trying to move forward. Micromanaging is not the way to create a culture of healthy growth for leaders. It does not produce future leaders, nor leave current ones thrilled by any stretch of your imagination.

“We’re releasing people to _____” also sounds like you’re intentionally giving leaders the chance to lead, ensuring that you don’t box people into a  proverbial box…or a glass case of emotion, if you prefer. No leader worth their weight in homemade laundry detergent (it’s cheap…trust me) wants to be boxed in…so “release them to _______!”

My concern

I have concerns about this line of thought. Though it sounds noble, I’m afraid that in many cases this is just a mask for ‘I have no idea what I’m doing’ or ‘I am not really willing or able to put time into developing leaders.’ Instead of truly being a noble move, it covers over deeper issues of incompetency (I don’t know what I’m doing, myself), inadequacy (I’ve not been trained at all, myself), or insecurity (I’d rather people not know that I don’t know how to lead them).

Turning someone loose to lead doesn’t mean you abandon them. If you want them to help fulfill the vision for your organization, leaders need direction, oversight, and development. “Management” may not be popular, but it’s vital.

Let’s be fair

It’s organizationally unfair to “release someone to serve” if they haven’t properly developed. It’s not fair for the individual, who’s been thrown in over their head. It’s also not fair for the organization, who now has a leader in place without the necessary tools, and who’s not trusted to lead.

It’s okay to “release people to _____,” but don’t neglect development. Spend great care developing your leaders. The time, money, and resources you spend on development will reap huge dividends.

In the small group world where I operate, I’ve said this phrase, too. I have nuanced it like this: “I’m allowing group leaders to be the shepherds of their group.”

But I didn’t do a great job of developing leaders over time. So that’s going to change.

With our newly implemented coaching structure, combined with our leadership development pathway, we’ve made some major changes. Instead of having trainings as isolated events, they’re connected, increasing in depth through each step. This allows us to take a new leader from “I have no idea what I’m doing as a small group leader” to coaching other group leaders into deeper spiritual health.

We want to be able to “turn leaders loose” in good conscience, trusting them to lead their groups with great effectiveness. To do this, we’ve got to do our part of helping them develop.

Question:

Ever heard the phrase, “We’re releasing people to _____.”?

Ever seen it as an excuse for laziness?

* image credit: CreationSwap User Matt Gruber (edits mine)

 

image credit: CreationSwap user Esther Gibbons

When I think of customer service, I don’t instantly think of Wal Mart.

In fact, when I think of Wal Mart, I think of two things:

• Crazy cheap stuff
• Crazy people (HT People of Wal Mart)

Typically, customer service hasn’t jumped out of the aisles to scare me at Wal Mart. Until recently.

I was looking for aluminum baking pans. I went up and down the grocery aisles. Looked at every end cap. Even walked through the milk area twice thinking maybe I’d missed them.

Asking for help

Then I broke a cardinal man-code. I asked for help from a Wal Mart associate. Thinking the pans were somewhere in the grocery section, I asked someone who was working in that section, stocking shelves.

I instantly felt guilty for asking them. They were in the middle of something else, deeply engrossed in unpacking and stocking cans of something. I knew I was a distraction from him accomplishing his job.

“I’m sorry to bother you…really, I know you’re working on something else. But could you point me in the direction of the aluminum baking pans? I can’t find them anywhere. Just point me in the general direction and I’ll get out of your hair.”

I must have had a wince on my face, anticipating a pair of rolling eyes, sharp tone, and general disdain.

But I got none of those. In fact, I got exactly the opposite.

“No bother at all.” she said.  ”I am 99% sure I know where they are. Let’s go find them together.”

So the employee walked me across the store, away from the grocery section (I’m dumb…I know), to the home goods aisles, and right to the aluminum baking pans.

“Wow. Thank you so much!” I said.

“No problem at all. Glad to help.” she returned.

I was floored. And felt valued. And I found what I was looking for.

And in the process, my feelings about Wal Mart, which weren’t necessarily negative in the first place, took a drastic turn upwards. Suddenly, this store became a store that valued me, a customer. I may have gone in for the discounts…but I’ll return because of the stellar, friendly, customer-focused customer service.

Customer service and your theology

I began to wonder if we treat people like this on Sunday mornings in our local churches. Especially staff members.

It’s easy to feel like we have more “important things” than helping someone find a different classroom. Or find the welcome desk. Or get information about another ministry. Our role is much “bigger” and more “important” than that…we preach, we lead children’s ministries, and we equip volunteers. We set up hallways, hang banners, and operate the computers. We don’t have time for little things like, “Do you know where the baby dedication happens today?“

We quickly forget that, though our roles are important, it’s the people that we’re called to serve that are vital. Creating lasting, memorable experiences is unbelievably important in our churches. The experience someone has on a Sunday morning doesn’t trump the Gospel…it fleshes the Gospel out.

You can help someone have a better, more beautiful picture of Church by the way you serve them, instead of just handing them off or pointing them in another direction. The way you carefully and skillfully and patiently lead guests has lasting impacts on the health of your local church.

The way we treat others reveals our theology.

We serve a God who is infinitely patient and gracious with us. To love others any less is cheapening grace.

“The Lord, the Lord God, compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in lovingkindness and truth.” – Exodus 34:6

Questions:

When guests leave your church, do they feel valued?

When someone needs help, do they feel like they’re a burden on you if they ask?

Have you ever gotten so engrossed in your specific ministry that you were bothered when asked for a little help?

Is your church more “product” focused than “people” focused?

 

A friend of mine has come up with a great idea for helping supplement his income for a new church plant.

And the good news for you is that the plan could include you, benefiting you and your local church.

The old model of raising support from a distance for a church plant is to ask people, or other churches and organizations, to pledge to give $__ for __ months. This is a call to people who aren’t on the ground level with the church plant, and may never get to see what God’s doing except through occasional newsletters. The only real benefit they receive is in knowing that their money is going to support what God’s doing through another local church.

Bobby’s idea is to have a mutually beneficial giving channel. You can read more about it on Bobby’s site, but basically he’s looking for 80 churches to give $40-$100/month. In return, they’ll get

• One 30-minute monthly webinar on a variety of topics like: small groups, assimilation, first impressions, website presence, marketing, social media, big events, young adults, outreach, discipleship, etc. led by Bobby.
• TWO “live” 40-minute tele-seminars with a special guest expert each month for you and up to 4 of your team members (5 people total!) on topics like Small Groups, Discipleship, Young Adults, Leadership, Multi-site, Church Planting, Church Revitalization, Diversity, Multi-ethnic Church, Worship, Vision, Technology, Social Media, Marketing, Urban Ministry, Team Building & Building Teams, Transition, Burnout, Online Church, Strategy…and more.

The lineup of coaching that Bobby’s got is pretty stellar. Here’s who’s slated:

• Greg Atkinson
• John Atkinson 
• Eric Bryant 
• Jenni Catron
• DJ Chuang
• Brandon Cox
• Alan Danielson
• Mark DeYmaz
• Margaret Feinberg
• Chris Forbes
• Rowland Forman
• David Francis
• Rick Howerton
• Dr. Greg Kappas
• Shaun King
• Tommy “Urban D” Kyllonen
• Mac Lake
• Dr. Robert Lewis
• Will Mancini
• Jonathan Merritt
• Bobby Minor
• Bill Oechsler
• Dr. Larry Osborne
• Ben Reed
• Tim Ross
• Zak White
• Scott Williams
• Eric Willis
• Lance Witt
• Dr. George Yancey

This is really a great model, where you (and your church) can financially invest in a church plant, and receive some top-notch coaching along the way in return.

If you’d like to support Bobby, and be a part of the coaching network, click HERE to start the process.

 

image credit: CreationSwap user Justin Knight

Yesterday, I compiled a list of 50 things you should never tell your child. Ever.

But that’s only half of the story. While there are plenty of things you should not say to your child, there are also plenty of things you should tell them on a habitual basis. I’d be remiss to leave out that part of the story.

Most of these are applicable no matter what the age. Whether your children are 2 or 60, you can and should speak them.

Some of them may need to be uniquely suited if your children are older than 2, though. And some (like #19) may not work if you’re a single parent.

50 things you should tell your children

1. I love you.

2. I will always love you.

3. No matter what you do, you’ll always be my child.

4. I love you, but I’m still going to punish you.

5. Yes, I’ll forgive you.

6. Will you forgive me? I messed up.

7. You’re so valuable to me.

8. Let’s go to church.

9. Yes, I’ll drop what I’m doing to play.

10. No, I’m not too busy.

11. You drew that?!? Amazing!

12. I’m proud of you.

13. You slipped up, but you’re still precious to me.

14. Can we talk?

15. Let’s hang out.

16. You don’t have a choice here. You’re 2 years old.

17. You’re safe with me.

18. Yes, I’ll help.

19. You’re not the most important person in my life…your mom (my wife) (or your dad (my husband)) is.

20. Honoring God is always the right choice.

21. Learning to obey mommy and daddy is important.

22. Let’s pray.

23. Let’s go on a date! (dad to daughter, or mom to son)

24. To boys specifically: Never treat your mother with disrespect. Never.

25. To boys specifically: stand up for yourself.

26. To boys specifically: it’s okay to cry.

27. To boys specifically: it’s okay to be dangerous.

28. To boys specifically: being dangerous can leave you hurt. But playing it safe isn’t what men are called to do.

29. To boys specifically: fight for things that are eternally valuable.

30. To boys specifically: stand up for those who can’t stand up for themselves.

31. To girls specifically: You’re worth far more than rubies.

32. To girls specifically: you’re beautiful. Don’t let anyone tell you you’re not.

33. To girls specifically: you’re my princess, and you always will be.

34. Love those that nobody else loves.

35. Love others more than you love yourself.

36. Love and respect those who don’t love or respect you.

37. Serve others like your life depended on it.

38. Learn to respect those in authority over you. Life will be much easier if you do.

39. There is no problem so big that you can’t come to me.

40. You’ll never do anything to lose my love.

41. You have so many gifts. Can I help you use them?

42. I will always want what is best for you.

43. It’s okay if you mess up. I mess up, too.

44. No matter where you are or what you’ve done, if something’s wrong, call me. I’ll come running.

45. I don’t care if your friends get to do that. I’m your parent, not theirs.

46. Be a good friend. Others will love you for it.

47. It’s okay to be upset.

48. You can never do anything so bad that God would desert you.

49. You’re a ____ (insert your last name), and ____s (insert your last name again) don’t back down from our convictions.

50. Your mom and dad aren’t perfect. But we love you unconditionally.

Question: 

Anything you’d add?

* image credit: CreationSwap user Justin Knight