image credit: Creation Swap user Chris Kennedy

Easter, for a church staff, is an administrative beast.

Whereas a normal staff meeting would cover multiple weeks and months of planning, most staffs devote an entire meeting (or two or three) to Easter alone. Planning details, follow-up, worship elements, volunteers, and extra chairs, churches pour great time and energy into Easter services.

Because we know that we have the chance to impact the lives of people who don’t regularly participate in our worship services.

And we want every note, every letter, every light to be perfect.

But sometimes, church staffs can get lost in the fog of planning. And that’s an incredibly dangerous place to be.

I don’t know about you, but my call to the ministry wasn’t a call to planning and administrative paper-pushing. My call to the ministry was a call to do. A call to be. A call to live the Gospel and proclaim it.

So here’s my open letter to church staffs everywhere.

Church staff and leadership,

As you prepare for Easter this year, don’t get locked down in the planning. Don’t get lost in the details.

Don’t let the fog overtake you as you rehearse.

Don’t let the glitz grip your heart.

The reason we have Easter services is because Jesus didn’t stay in the grave.

The tomb of death is empty.

The cross wasn’t the final chapter.

At the cross, our fears and failures and pain were killed.

Easter is more than just our biggest service of the year.

The fact that it’s the biggest service of the year means that more people get to inhale a fresh breath of life.

A fresh hook of hope.

And get to discover, maybe for the first time or the first time in a long time, how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.” (Ephesians 3:18)

Plan, scheme, and detail the mess out of Easter. But don’t lose sight of that empty tomb.

Sincerely,

Ben

 

Creative Commons user Marc Wathieu, edits mine

I have something you don’t. And you need that. So ask me for it.

Maybe it’s my lawn mower.

Maybe it’s a pinch of salt.

Or maybe it’s $100.

Maybe it’s some wisdom I have.

Maybe it’s a ride to the airport.

Learning to ask for help is vital to your spiritual growth.

But it’s awkward, isn’t it?

Culture would like us to believe that this is just a “guy” problem. That since guys don’t want to ask for directions, they’re the ones that feel it’s awkward to ask for help. But this awkwardness and self-dependent isolation isn’t just limited to the “y” chromosome.

Men and women deal with this.

Asking for help gives the appearance of weakness. Because, if you were stronger, you wouldn’t need help, right? You wouldn’t need money. Or advice. Or guidance.

Asking for help signifies you don’t have all you need for life. It screams, “I’m not independently self-sufficient.” It rails against our culture of independence and isolation.

Nobody wants to say that. Nobody wants to show the chink in their armor. Nobody wants to appear weak and vulnerable and exposed. Nobody. We want to appear to have more insight and more capabilities than we actually do, that we don’t need outside wisdom or influence. We especially never need correction.

But it’s our weaknesses that expose the way that God created us, because He didn’t create us for complete independence. He created us to be dependent on others.* He created us to live in need of encouragement. He created us to live in need of biblical counsel. He created us to live in need of sex advice. He created us to live in need of advice for our present circumstances.

I bet you need a pinch of salt right now. Or $100. Or life’s falling apart, and you need much, much more.

Love is an unbelievably transformational and redemptive force that we need extended to us. If we’ll just ask.

Time to get off your high horse and ask. You were created to do just that.

Time to say, “This is awkward, but…I need some help.”

*Yes, we’re supposed to be dependent on God. No doubt about that. But for the purposes of this post, depending on God alone becomes a ruse to really go at life alone. Because you can still hide your inadequacies.

 

Josh Tandy is a student pastor. He’s written an ebook for “Rookie Pastors” that I think is worth checking out.

It’s called 30 in 30: How to Start or Restart Well. In the eBook you will find 30 practical tips for those just getting started in ministry and those looking to start over. Here is 1 of the 30 tips that Josh gives. It’s worth a look! 

Find out below how you can get it for free!

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Go Home at 5

First time parents talk about the adrenaline that gets them through those sleepless nights and the never-ending feeding/changing cycle. Much of this adrenaline wears off by kid #2.

As a Rookie Pastor, especially if it is your first paid ministry you are going to be pumping full of adrenaline ready to get after it. You can make the argument that you have to maximize the honeymoon period and get as much started as possible. Except you forget that in those first 30 days you have the unique opportunity to communicate some values and set precedents.

Going home at 5, or whenever the office closes up for the day, is going to be difficult for some but don’t underestimate the importance of it. So much of pastoring and leadership is about what you do and how those actions communicate what you value. Modeling what a healthy work/family balance has more impact than a sermon on it, and a great sermon will be undermined by a contradictory example.

When you join a church with multiple staff positions you can also give a gift to those you work with and/or supervise by going home at 5. Particularly if you are supervising other staff you are going to be setting the pace in those first 30 days. They will be looking to you to see what to expect moving forward, and I don’t know any pastor who would say they wish their boss would make them stay at the office more.

Use this time to stress the importance of good time management and maximizing time spent in the office, but give permission to others and yourself to go home. There will be times when 60-70 hour weeks are required but make that the exception not the rule.

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To get the rest of the book (for free) visit RookiePastor.com and sign up for the free email updates, on the right side of the page.

 

Here are a few of my favorites from around the web this week.

Trevin Wax, 4 Things to Remember While in Seminary

Not too long ago, I enjoyed a cup of hot chocolate with a friend from seminary. He graduated not long after I did, and he was telling me about how involved he was in his local church. As we were reminiscing about our seminary days, he said something that stunned me:

Jonathan Dodson, This is Who a Disciple is

A disciple of Jesus is someone who learns the gospel, relates in the gospel, and communicates the gospel. This definition of disciple shows us that the gospel both makes and matures disciples. We see this in Jesus’s ministry. Jesus proclaimed the same gospel to the crowds that he taught to the disciples. He did not have the twelve on a special, gospel-plus track to study advanced subject matter.

DiscipleUs, Disciples Fail

When I look back at the life of the twelve, I can say with certainty that they failed in may ways. One of them sold him, others abandoned him, and Peter denied him. Those weren’t their only failures, but it was their biggest.

The beauty of their failures was that Jesus wasn’t looking for perfection from them. They were not capable of pleasing Jesus in all things, let alone in most things, but what Jesus was willing to do was work with fragile vessels so that He Himself is glorified through their failures.

Jared Wilson, The Subtle Art of Sabotaging a Pastor

Dearest Grubnat, my poppet, my pigsnie,

The reports of your progress warm my blackened heart. When you were assigned to one of the Enemy’s ministers ten years ago, his infernal Majesty and I knew you’d have a rough go of it. The zeal of one new to the pastorate can be a daunting challenge to even the most cunning of our comrades, but we also believed that time breeds all wounds and that your task would become easier the longer your patient remained. You now prosper from that sweet spot of pastoral fatigue and assimilation. The shine of newness is gone. And up pop the cracks in the ministerial armor.

Finally! An espresso machine for my car!

 

Creative Commons user Marc Wathieu, edits mine

It’s “sexy” to talk about your past. Where you’ve been. The grit you’ve experienced. The pain you’ve had to bear. The crazy life you used to live. When you talk about your past, you get looks that say

Wow. You’ve come so far!

OR

Wow. You’ve overcome so much!

OR

Wow. You had a lot of fun!

It’s “sexy” to talk about your future, too. Nobody gets upset when you’re talking about where you’re headed in life. Whether you’re talking about heaven (where there will be no tears or crying or pain) or something a little shorter in focus (your goals and aspirations), these are fun conversations. When you talk about where you’re headed, it’s cast in a bright, positive light. Nobody clams up talking about that!

But your “present”? It’s not so sexy to talk about where you are right now. In fact, it’s quite awkward. And I’m convinced awkward conversations need to be had.*

It’s not cool to say,

“Yeah, I still struggle with ____.”

OR

“I still need help with ______.”

OR

“That thing that we talked about last week…I messed up again.”

The awkward humiliation

It’s humiliating, really. It’s like saying, “I know I told you I was headed to Nashville, but somehow I ended up in St. Louis. You told me to turn left, but I just went right.” Silly, no? Turns out they didn’t listen to directions, look at their map, or heed the signs that said, “Nashville, turn left.” And they did this for 450 miles.

Talking about your present struggles is like swallowing a spoonful of medicine. You know it’s going to help, but it tastes rancid going down.

Talking about your present struggles admits, “I’m not where I need to be,” “I’m not who I appear,” and, “I don’t really know how to get where I want to go.”

The beeline to shame

Where we go wrong when someone begins “talking about their present” is that we make a beeline for shame. Instead of the Prodigal’s father, we play the role of the older brother (Luke 15:28-30). Our arms are crossed and our head swiveling back and forth in judgment. We say things like “How are they going to ever learn?” or “Someone’s got to give them the truth.” or “If they’d only followed God like me…” We think it’s our job to convict their hearts with the truth.

When we’re quick to convict, we inadvertently shut down a potentially life-changing moment of confession.

The good news about grace is that grace doesn’t keep a record of how many times you’ve messed up. In fact, “where sin increased, grace increased all the more.” (Romans 5:20) Grace celebrates a step in the right direction. Even when it’s followed by two steps backwards.

Grace welcomes home

Grace doesn’t mean that you become a doormat that’s walked on. It means you welcome someone home when they “talk about their present.” More than likely, conviction’s already happened. (hint: that’s why they’re talking with you!) Your role isn’t to convict…you can let the Holy Spirit do that. He’s better at it than you are, anyway. What someone needs, in their moment of taking a step of faith by saying, “I’ve messed up…again” is a “welcome home!” embrace.

Next time someone opens up an awkward conversation by sharing something they’re counting to struggle with, try being full of grace. Try showing them that we serve a God who never leaves or forsakes us (Deuteronomy 31:6), even when we’ve followed a stupid decision by a stupid decision. In those moments, you’ll find that truth acts more like a weapon.

Grace is what’s needed, because grace moves the ball forward. Shame throw it backwards.

* catch up with the “this is awkward” series HERE.

 

You love a good hammock. Don’t even tell me you don’t.

image credit: me, in my backyard

Everyone loves a hammock. And I know why.

It’s reminiscent of a bygone era. One that was slower. And more relaxed. One that didn’t include 80 hour work weeks. One that didn’t include 4 nights of gymnastics/week. One that didn’t include having to eat fast food so many times.

One that didn’t have to fire up your computer late at night to catch up on emails. One that wasn’t conflicted between playing with your kids and doing work.

One that did include family nights. And laughing together over a freshly brewed pot of coffee.

One that included reading a book by a crackling, warm fire.

One that was much more relaxing.

A hammock beckons us to what could be.

The hammock has two purposes:

1. Cradle you like a baby.

2. Fling you to the ground if you try to not be cradled like a baby.

But squirm much, and you’ll flop right to the ground. Twist a little more than the traditional “nap” position and the hammock won’t take it. It’ll spin you right on to the hard ground below. “No!” says the hammock. “That meeting can wait!” “That email will still be there in 30 minutes!” “That YouTube video is hilarious…but I’ll break your iPad if you try to watch it right now.”

A hammock reminds us

Of our God-given desire for rest. Fight against it all you want, but given the chance, I’m certain you’d love a good nap right now.

Of our God-given need for rest. Studies show that adequate amounts of sleep are vital for productivity. God created the Sabbath, the day of rest,  for our benefit. (see Mark 2:27)

Of our flesh-given desire to find our identity in our work. Please, please don’t find your identity in your work. Your identity will be smashed to pieces when you rest it in your work. Choosing to intentionally rest is a way to fight against pride, which says that success lies in your abilities alone.

Of our flesh-given desire to seek God’s approval through our work. When you rest, what claim can you make in your “works”? None. God calls us to rest from the rat race of using “works” to justify approval. In Christ, we’re called “sons.” Rest in that.

You need rest. I need rest.

And we’re all better off if we take time to intentionally rest. Rest from your work. Rest from your emails. Rest from your frenetic life. Rest from earning your relationship with God.

So come on over to my backyard and kick up your feet on my hammock. I promise I won’t bother you.

Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a sabbath to the LORD your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your male or female servant, nor your animals, nor any foreigner residing in your towns. For in six days the LORD made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the LORD blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy. – Exodus 20:8-11

 

When I got married, I trembled with fear. Like a shaky leaf that crunches when you step on it, I was weak and breakable and vulnerable.

I think this is common.

At least, that’s what I tell myself. It makes me feel better about my trepidation.

image credit: Creative Commons, Jones DePalma

My fear, though, wasn’t one of questioning my decision to get married. It wasn’t founded in questioning my bride-to-be. It wasn’t even in questioning the timing.

My “fear” found its way into my pocket because the step I was making was altering the trajectory of my life.

Ever had a decision like that?

Maybe it was in deciding which college to go to. Or a change in jobs. Or walking away from a relationship that you’ve treasured, but that was damaging to you personally. Maybe you felt that flutter in your gut when you bought a car. Or a house.

Maybe it was when you found out you were pregnant, and quickly realized you had no idea what it took to be a parent.

Fear

Fear is a natural emotion.

Let me quote a Scripture for you that you may have heard before:

for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. – 2 Timothy 1:7

Reading this verse at face-value, you’re left thinking that any ounce of fear shows you to be anti-God. That it’s not something that is consistent with being called a child of the King. That if you experience fear, you show yourself weak and faithless and un-usable.

Let me throw a wrench in that thought process before you tread down that road much further.

The verse here says that God didn’t give us a “spirit” of fear. In other words, we aren’t dominated by fear. We’re not paralyzed by fear. And we don’t let fear hold us back. It won’t be our master. Instead, our spirit, our heart, is driven by power and love and self-control, rooted in an unchanging, unshakeable, courageous God who seeks after our heart even in the midst of the most difficult times in life.

The presence of fear doesn’t show you to be anti-God. It shows you to be human. Emotions aren’t inherently evil. How you respond to your emotions, though, reveals your heart.

And if your heart is driven by fear, you’ll never do anything that matters. On the precipice of doing significant work, fear will be present, trying desperately to course its way through your body.

Yielding to the Fear

In those moments, you can yield to the fear.

• “I can’t do that. I’ll fail.”
• “I have no idea what I’m doing.”
• “I don’t have that skill set.”
• “I’m not worthy of that.”
• “I could never sustain that.”
• “Me?”

Yield to that fear, step back off the precipice, and return to life as normal.

Or press through it, reminding yourself of who God has created you to be, and take the plunge. Remind yourself that God has given you a spirit of power and love and self-control. “Fear” doesn’t mean you shouldn’t move forward. “Fear” may mean it’s time to trust God to do what He said He’d do.

Pressing through fear

Take a step of faith.

• Give up ______.
• Start a new ministry.
• Make that leadership decision.
• Begin serving your community.
• Have a difficult, awkward conversation.

Fear didn’t keep me from making the decision to marry my wife. It lit a fire in my heart to do what I knew God was calling me to.

Fear is normal. It means you’re human.

Don’t let it hold you from what God wants you to do. Satan would love that.

Instead, press through with resolve.

I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, or I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. – Isaiah 41:9-10

Question:

What’s the biggest decision you’ve ever had to make? Did you have any hint of fear?

* image credit: Creative Commons user Jones DePalma

 

Here are some of my favorites from around the web this week:

How American Adults Read the Bible, by Ed Stetzer

We released some new research last week focused on habits of adult Americans in relation to how they read the Bible. Among regular Bible readers, more than a third indicate they read it nearly every day and typically use one primary version of the Bible.

After compiling the research though, we can unfortunately conclude that among American Bible readers, owning multiple Bibles is much more prevalent than regularly investing time in reading it.

The Danger of Hiring the Best, by Eric Geiger:

The longer I lead, the more I realize how essential the right leaders are to the success of a team, ministry, or organization. While the right leaders will overcome insufficient systems and processes, great processes and systems can never overcome ineffective leaders.

The right leaders are not necessarily the “best” leaders.

Trying to nail Jell-O to the Wall (and knowing when to quit), by Tim Peters:

In order to grow and succeed, organizations and leaders need to continually forge ahead with new ideas, projects and personnel. Unfortunately, not all those efforts are going to succeed. In fact, a fair share of them will fall flat. The key is admitting your failure and moving forward. Knowing when to quit is just as important as knowing when to persevere.

5 Suggestions When the Pastor leads a small group, by Ron Edmondson

Since beginning Grace Community Church I have personally led a small group study, many times meeting in our home. Cheryl and I have loved each of our groups. Some of our best friends in life have come from these groups. I hear from pastors who don’t want to lead a group or feel that they shouldn’t, but from my experience, I think it is best when a pastor does.

Redefining worship in small group, by Spence Shelton

When I hear that title [Redefining worship in small groups], immediately this scene comes to my mind: Clarence Spragains, the small group leader, puts a CD into the CD + Cassette combo player he bought in 1994 and out comes either “Jesus take the Wheel” or “Saddle Up your Horses.” Clarence is singing at full blast, that other couple is halfway engaged doing the eyes-shut head bob while the other 9 people are frantically looking for the fire escape routes.

Question:

You find anything noteworthy?

 

My wife and I had a conversation with a young married couple about sex a few weeks ago.

It was incredibly refreshing. We could be open and honest with them, and help them take steps forward in their marriage.

Creative Commons user Marc Wathieu, edits mine

Church leaders should talk with people more about sex, in a positive light.*

Most of the “sex talks” that happen with church leaders are

• a premarital conversation that goes something like this: Don’t have sex. Quit having sex. Wait for a few more months.
• a sermon series in the student ministry that lasts for 8 months. Think I’m joking? I’m not…I ran into a student pastor who said he’d been preaching on sex for 8 months with his students. “I think we’re just about done” he said. “I bet they’ve been done listening to you talk about it for about 8 months, because that’s way too long for students to hear their 50-somethings youth pastor talk about sex” I replied…in my head, of course.
• an awkwardly timed, not-so-funny joke in a sermon on Sunday morning. Either you think, “Can I laugh at that in church?” or “Can I laugh at that, just to make my pastor feel better? That wasn’t funny…”

Church leaders should have more frank conversations about sex. Not in a “sex is dirty” kind of way, and not in a way that’s constantly condemning the bad things about sex. But in a way that helps a couple honor God with this area of their life.

Culture teaches us a lot about sex, most of which is glamorized, made out to be some sort of physical-only act that’s super easy for a couple to enjoy together.

It Ain’t That Easy

If you’ve been married long at all, you know that sex isn’t easy to get “right” (meaning something that’s mutually enjoying and honoring to God). More often than not, especially in the first few years of married life, sex is frustrating for husbands and wives. It’s not the beautiful act that God intended, but a point of contention. Instead of an act of union and love, it drives a wedge dissatisfaction.

And sex is so, so important to a marriage. It’ll bring a marriage down in a heartbeat if it’s not addressed. We’d be foolish to assume that all couples just know how to flourish in this area of their lives. Understanding your spouse is something that takes time…it’s not an intuitions you’re born with. As quickly as it can bring a marriage down, it can also help a marriage turn a corner. God intended sex to be an emotional, physical, and spiritual act. It’s intended to be a deeply satisfying intimacy for which no other act can substitute. (don’t believe me? Try reading Song of Solomon and not blushing)

A Little More Conversation, A Little More Action

So go ahead. Ask the awkward question to someone you have a close relationship with:

How’s your sex life?

You’ll get them snickering like middle school girls. But you’ll also open up the opportunity for a beautiful conversation.

And if you’re not having good sex, it may be time to ask for some advice.

Drink water from your own cistern, And fresh water from your own well. Should your springs be dispersed abroad, Streams of water in the streets? Let them be yours alone, And not for strangers with you. Let your fountain be blessed, And rejoice in the wife of your youth. As a loving hind and a graceful doe, Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; Be exhilarated always with her love (Proverbs 5:15-19).

*Talking about sex isn’t just relegated to church leaders…all followers of Jesus should make it a point to talk openly and honestly about this issue. Church leaders especially. This blog just tends to be read by a majority of people who are, at one level or another, leaders in their local church.

* image credit; Creative Commons user Marc Wathieu, edits mine

* catch up with the “this is awkward” series HERE.

 

I grew up playing golf. Throughout elementary school, middle school, high school, and college, I spent countless days hacking that little white, dimpled, frustrating ball. It was a sport that I grew to love, and still love even now.

image credit: Creative Commons user Turbo Toddi

You may not think of the golf course as a beaker for leadership testing, but there’s a ton to learn, besides how to hit it long and straight. Which, between you and me, is a task much harder than leadership.

The leadership I’m putting into practice today is specific for pastoral leadership. At the end of the day, though, people are people. Being a leader takes on nuances from profession to profession, but there’s a ton of overlap.

10 Leadership Lessons I learned from Golf

1. Timing is everything.

Golf: The moment your wrist snaps, the club head releases, and your foot turns is crucial in getting any power.

Leadership: The moment you choose to have a key conversation is oftentimes just as important as the conversation itself.

2. What you do off the course is just as vital as what you do on the course.

Golf: Mentally prepping for a round is unbelievably important. “Golf is a game played on a 5 inch course – the distance between your ears.” – Bobby Jones

Leadership: The way you spend your time while you’re off-work builds your character way more than what you do while you’re working. Character is vital to leadership.

3. Practice doesn’t make perfect. Perfect practice makes perfect.

Golf: It’s easy to practice-in bad habits and muscle memory.

Leadership: Read the wrong books, follow the wrong people, put your energy towards the wrong things, spend your time battling the wrong issues…and you may as well have not “practiced” at all.

4. Practicing a lot will leave you with a sore back.

Golf: Even practicing the right way will leave you sore.

Leadership: Making the right decisions doesn’t mean you’ll have a problem-free solution. It just means you know where you’re headed.

5. Community pushes you to dig deeper.

Golf: When I played with someone else, instead of by myself, I found I was more willing to dig deeper instead of giving up.

Leadership: Leading with a healthy team pushes everyone to do more gut-wrenching, high quality work.

6. You have to practice from the bunker in prep for the bad days.

Golf: Practicing from the bunker was vital, because it doesn’t matter who you are…there will be days when you have to blast a few out of the sand.

Leadership: Understanding your own weaknesses is a key to being a good team member and leader.

7. There will always be someone who’s better than you.

Golf: Don’t be intimidated when you play against someone better than you. Stick with your game. Dance with the girl you came with.

Leadership: You’ll have team members that you lead that are more skilled, think more sharply, and communicate more clearly. Thank God that He’s gifted your team with them.

8. There’s no substitute for time spent on the course.

Golf: Practice all you want, but don’t forget to spend time on the course.

Leadership: Everything you need to know about leadership you will NOT learn from college, or in a textbook.

9. Nobody will practice for you.

Golf: If you want to be a better golfer, you’ve got to put in the hard work yourself.

Leadership: If you want to be a better leader, you’ve got to read the books, find the mentor(s), test out ideas, and stretch the box yourself.

10. The days you practice by yourself are crazy important.

Golf: The days when you’d rather go home early are the days when you most definitely should not.

Leadership: There are certain things that can only be done by you, in your office, by yourself. Don’t neglect these tasks. They’re good for your resolve.

Jesus called them together and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave— just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” – Matthew 20:25-28

Question:

Did I leave anything out?

* image credit: Creative Commons user Turbo Toddi