I originally posted this 2 years ago. My wife and I are coming up on the 2-year mark for this portion of our stories, but with the massive changes in our lives recently (I’m now on staff at Long Hollow), I wanted to share this again. Just so you know, this was, and is, a painful part of our story.
It wasn’t just a miscarriage. It didn’t feel like we were “losing a pregnancy.” It felt like we were losing a baby.
Those are the words I’ve uttered countless times to countless people. As the news eked in through little spurts of information from multiple ultrasounds and blood tests, what we feared became a reality. “It’s not a viable pregnancy” didn’t make the pain or reality disappear. It didn’t make the baby growing inside my wife any less of a human.
Earlier this year, my wife experienced the most pain we’ve experienced in our marriage. My wife processed it out loud on my blog HERE.
Though the pain wasn’t as visceral for me, it was no less real. Through the process, I learned some valuable lessons.
Lessons I learned through a miscarriage
Every life is a gift.
I value my own life, and especially the life of my won, so much more now. It’s so much more valuable.
Every life is miracle.
Seeing that this whole pregnancy/birthing process doesn’t just happen automatically has really helped me see how each and every birth is a great miracle.
Experiencing a miscarriage is a real loss.
Not that I didn’t understand this from a theological, academic standpoint. But going through it myself, experiencing that loss, has given me a greater understanding of how to minister to people who are experiencing this. We had talked about the difficulty of miscarriages in seminary. But it was all theory. And I know that someone doesn’t have to go through every difficulty before they can help someone else. But there’s a different weight, a different level of help, that you give once you’ve experienced the exact pain that another person is experiencing.
There’s no “getting over” this.
I dont’ think it’s possible to really “get over” this loss. You can move on. You can grow. But to think that you can “get over” this as if it never really happened is foolish. Anytime you experience significant pain, the answer in coping is learning how to deal with life differently, because life has been altered.
My wife and I are doing well. We’ve grown because of this. Grown in ways we probably wouldn’t have otherwise.
We’ve still not had the joy of getting pregnant again. Maybe God will see fit for us to head back down that path. But maybe not.
Regardless, we’re trusting Him.
*photo credit Creation Swap user: Joe Cavazos