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The day I got into a fight with my wife’s grandmother

benlreed —  February 23, 2012 — 7 Comments

There are some blog post titles that people use just to draw you in.

“Sexy” titles, if you will.

Titles that build hype, often overselling and under delivering.

This happens to not be one of those titles.

image credit: Creative Commons user Robert Daniel Ullman

It was unintentional, really. I didn’t set out that warm Saturday afternoon telling myself, “I bet Laura’s grandma and I could scrap today. She’d probably love that.”

It just sort of happened.

Round 1

We were standing beside the door, she preparing to leave. In retrospect, I should’ve just given her a hug and opened the door. We launched into a conversation about a TV show that my wife and I watch. One that she, consequently, doesn’t. Her reasons for abstaining are moral convictions, which I can completely understand and respect. With respect to the show, she doesn’t appreciate how the children interact with their parents, how the wife interacts with her husband, and some of the lifestyle decisions that characters on the show have made. She laid out her whole case in about 5 minutes.

Round 2

When she finished, I felt like she has issued an invitation to me to lay out my thoughts. As I creeped closer, though, I realized she was siren-ing me to the edge of a cliff. Like a moth drawn to that strangely-buzzing blue light, I walked right into the trap. There was no winning this one. No way I could emerge a hero of informed reason and logic. Not a chance. I was peering off the edge of a cliff.

Round 3

As words came out of my mouth, I tried to catch them. The whole time I’m talking, I’m thinking, “What are you doing?!? Back away…back away!” I got that look from my wife. I don’t even have to describe it. Husbands, you know what I’m talking about.

But it was too late. Back out now, and I look like a heel. Keep going, and I look like a heel. Close my eyes and run…that was probably the best option, but Reeds aren’t cowards. We’re a bit foolhardy sometimes, but we’re not cowards.

The point I was trying to make was this:

I don’t get my theology from a TV show.

I can watch a TV show (note: the show in question is family-friendly), and completely separate it from informing my theological framework. In fact, when I watch a show, I view it through the theological lens I’ve constructed through hard work, sweat, and tears. I strive for a theology informed deeply by the Scriptures.

I can watch a show and say, “What they’re doing there…that’s not good. That’s not how I’m going to parent.” Not in a judgmental kind of way. But in a way where I’m exercising wisdom and discernment.

I’m not watching TV as my devotional time. Nor am I watching it in hopes that they’ll somehow slip in a good word about the local church. That’s not TV’s job. That’s my job!

In fact, the moment I allow TV to twist my theology is the moment I’ve headed down a slope more slippery than the one I was peering down with my grandma-in-law.

The eye of the tiger

She stood on the other side of this argument, urging extreme caution with what we fill our minds. She warned that subtle lies slip in back doors, and make their way into our lives. TKO. She just ‘eye-of-the-tigered’ me.

I don’t wholeheartedly disagree with her. I just happen to see the other side of the coin, enjoying 30 minutes of laughter, catching a slice of culture, and not succumbing to the subtle lies. I believe that this is a generational issue more than anything else. My generation can watch a show, laugh, enjoy the story, and separate that from how we live our lives. I believe that the generation that precedes me more closely intertwines real life with media content.

I’m not sure that one of us is right and the other wrong. In fact, in that moment, I waved my white flag of surrender. And made a future note to myself:

Don’t pick a fight with a grandma. Even if you win, you’ll lose.

Question:

Where do you stand? Is it acceptable to watch a show with questionable (though not offensive, cause-you-to-stumble) content? Or should we shield our eyes from anything that could depict something less than what we want for our lives and our families?

 * image credit: Creative Commons user Robert Daniel Ullman

 

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benlreed

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Christ follower, husband, father, writer, pastor of small groups at Long Hollow Baptist Church. Communications director for the Small Group Network.
  • Brent

    We launched into a conversation about a TV show that me wife and I watch it. 
    I think you’ll want to change this line

    • http://www.benreed.net Ben Reed

      Thanks buddy…appreciate the heads up! Just went back and made the change.

  • http://twitter.com/_ThomasMason Thomas Mason

    You could have fooled me, Ben, with the title because it certainly drew me in to this post!

    I guess it depends on the person. If a person is easily influenced, it’s best to steer clear from them and run in the opposite direction. But if a person has sound principles, it probably wouldn’t be a big deal. Fortunately I don’t watch much television, or at least shows that I want to watch (enter young daughter into the tv room), but I know what content influences me and I stay away from them.

  • http://www.lifeofasteward.com Loren Pinilis

    I’m trying to figure out what TV show it would be. Modern Family?

    The test I’ve always heard is to ask yourself “Is this something I can thank God for?”
    I think it’s one of those gray areas where each person has to decide for themselves. The Bible does say that we should be wary of thinking we’re strong, lest we fall. I think our desire to fit into the culture sometimes lowers our standards and gives us an opportunity to deceive ourselves. I think it’s also wise to point out that even something as dramatic as an affair doesn’t happen in a night but is built up slowly step-by-step over years of small compromises.
    But then again, if you truly think that a show is just a show and something for you to laugh at, have fun. Good can come of it, such as the increased fellowship that you share as you watch with family and friends.I think there’s also the issue of what’s praised. Just because a show depicts a child disrespecting their parents doesn’t mean that’s how the show is instructing people to live.
    It’s a pretty complicated issue, heh.

  • Debbie

    I think I agree with you both.  Now being older (and hopefully wiser) having just about raised all three of our boys (still a 16 yr old at home and two older boys no longer at home) I can honestly see how my decisions to not allow my boys to watch a show were correct (in my opinion) when they were young.  And now having laid the foundation of our moral character over many years, we do watch a lot more questionable tv shows now, which my older boys see as the younger “getting away with it”.   I prefer to see it as a teachable moment as some of the situations may present in real life.  You can not shield them from everything – and certainly would never watch tv if some questionable scenes were not allowed.  In fact, just this week watching an animated show that’s just recently celebrated a big milestone in episodes, I had the opportunity to comment to two of my three sons on how proud I was that I held my ground in not allowing that show to be viewed when they were children – as the episode was very, VERY disturbing.  Another teachable moment.

  • Gavin

    Man, this is an issue I’ve wrestled with both in ministry and in my own life for a long time. Where do we draw these lines? I tend to agree with Loren. Jesus is Lord of the conscience, so on gray areas like this, each Christian must follow her own biblically-formed conscience. Basically, the weaker/stronger brother issue in Romans 14.

    A similar blog post I read this week from a slightly different angle (written by DG Hart, not me), with an equally provocative title, “I Loved ‘The Artist’ Because Jesus Made It”:

    http://oldlife.org/2012/02/i-loved-the-artist-because-jesus-made-it/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=i-loved-the-artist-because-jesus-made-it

  • http://www.truthstory.wordpress.com/ Loreli

    This is an interesting topic.  Our women’s ministry has actually started a “Get Real” series, equipping women to identify the messages media, marketing, pop culture, offer us and compare them against scripture (i.e. we’re studying messages on love and sex).  Of course, Romans 12 is our mandate to not be conformed to the pattern of this world…  It can be a slippery slope if our lives aren’t balanced with a daily intake of scripture.  When our enjoyment of the show outweighs our commitment to renew our minds, it’s time to reconsider how we spend our time. 
    P.S. Be nice to Grandma! ;)