Insulting promises

benlreed —  August 30, 2011 — 13 Comments

image via RadioManKC

I’ve seen this a lot on people’s blogs, and frankly it bothers me.

Sorry, life has been busy and I haven’t had time to blog…

And then it’s often followed up with a promise

I’m going to be blogging every day for the next 289 days, that’s my commitment to you!

And then, 12 days later, I read yet another apology on their blog.

I’m not going to start with an excuse like that.  Because when I start with ‘Sorry…it’s been a busy season…’ I insult just about every reader of my blog. Because what I’m saying is, “I’m much busier than you. Because I assume you are checking my blog every day and are shaking your fists at me, foiled once again because you were hoping I’d write another post to fill up your day because you have nothing else to do.  You lazy sloth.  Get a job.”

Ok, so maybe I’m not actually saying all of that…

I’m not going to use those excuses, because you don’t care if I’m busy.  You don’t care how long it’s been since I’ve blogged.  You just want me to write.

And this mindset and subsequent offense happens all of the time in life. Not just on blogs. Check this out.  Maybe you’ve said something like this.

Common insulting excuses

  • Sorry I’ve been slow to respond to your email. Life has been busy.
  • Sorry we haven’t been able to meet. I’ve been really busy.
  • Sorry that I haven’t finished that project yet. I’ve been swamped.
  • I know I told you I’d help you out. I’ve been extraordinarily busy. Sorry.

Likely I’m not any busier than you are.  We’ve all got 24 hours in a day.  And we all make time for things that we value.

When I lead with, “Sorry, I’m busy…” I presume that you’re not also busy.  I presume that my time is more important than yours.   That I’m more important than you, and that your time with your job, your family, your church, and your hobbies isn’t also important.

So I’m going to quit apologizing and just start doing the work.  No promises or apologies or excuses.  Just creating art and forward momentum.

Instead of wasting the time it takes to fill you in on why I haven’t lived up to expectations, I’ll just start living up to expectations.

Question: Am I the only one with a busy schedule?

 

 

 

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benlreed

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Christ follower, husband, father, writer, pastor of small groups at Long Hollow Baptist Church. Communications director for the Small Group Network.
  • http://www.bigb94.wordpress.com Brandon

    Great picture! I sometimes feel like that!

    • http://www.benreed.net Ben Reed

      *Sometimes*?  I feel like that way too often…

  • http://theacufffamily.com Suzanne

    I agree, Ben! A friend and I agreed years ago to stop using the “I’m busy” excuse.  It’s hurtful when people say that but you see them spending time with other people/things.  Sometimes I believe people really are busier than I am, but sometimes I think they’re just avoiding me. :)

    • http://www.benreed.net Ben Reed

      That’s powerful, Suzanne.  And perceptions are incredibly powerful.  I like the move you and your friend made.  I’m making that move with ya.

  • Michael

    Ben, soon after graduating from college, a more seasoned man asked me one day how I was doing. My response to him was, “I’m really busy.” He quietly leaned across the table, looked me in the eyes, and matter-of-factly stated, “Michael, you’re not that important.” Thankfully, he was and is still right. It was a comment of which I am reminded of on a nearly daily basis. Often, a busy schedule reveals a high view of and reliance on self.

    • http://www.benreed.net Ben Reed

      Great point, Michael.  I like that response a lot.  Encourages me to delegate and empower others to lead.

  • drobertsonuk

    Hey. enjoyed the post. was with you right up to the point of “ill start living up to expectations”… Is that what you meant??

    • http://www.benreed.net Ben Reed

      Sorry…should’ve explained that more clearly.  I was running off of my earlier thought, “I know I told you I’d help you out. I’ve been extraordinarily busy. Sorry.”
      If I tell someone I’m going to help, then I shouldn’t make excuses as to why I haven’t helped.  I should just help.
      When I place expectations on my own performance, making excuses to those I’ve committed to makes me seem more important than them.  And I never want to convey that.
      Does that make any sense?

  • http://twitter.com/Mathendacil Pierre Schramm

    I must admit I used to do that, until I realised that I wasn’t actually too busy and could have made time.

    Further reflexion led me to think that there is a difference between apologising and finding excuses. It is, I believe, appropriate to say “sorry this update took so long” if you are truly sorry. Excuses that have nothing to do with the content of one’s post (even if they are not about being busy) should not be included.

    As you point out, furthermore, pointing out that gaps between updates are big implies that readers have been expecting an update – as such, the apology should only be made when that assumption is reasonable, i.e. when the gap is unusually long.

    • http://www.benreed.net Ben Reed

      Good point, Pierre.  I guess the only time I’d find one of those disclaimers helpful is if it is actually part of the post.  i.e., the story you’re trying to tell ties in to the fact that you haven’t blogged lately.

  • http://www.mustardseedyear.com Jason Wert

    You’re busier than I but that’s just part and parcel of the whole unemployment situation.

    Blogging is tough when you try to do it consistently.  I’ve blogged daily for 241 straight days now and there’s some days it’s a strain to come up with something worth putting out for everyone to see.  I think sometimes people say they’re busy because it’s less of a blow to the ego than saying “I don’t really have anything of value to contribute lately.”

    • http://www.benreed.net Ben Reed

      I’m always refreshed by your honesty, Jason.  Because that’s so spot on, whether you’re “busy” or not.  There are many days where I simply have very little to say.  Err…scratch that…days where I have nothing worth blogging about.  I have plenty to say, but not that other people care to hear.

  • http://www.livingngrace.com Luther Wesley

    I do not blog everyday…..I am actually busy with a wife, a full-time job, teaching duties, church newsletters, three boys, two dogs, and four goldfish.  Ok I think that is everything.

    I do blog on a schedule though because the few readers who haunt my blog expect something to be there.  So I do reckon that three to four times a week is enough…

    BTW….I have not commented lately because I have been soooooooo busy ;)